Slowly it’s getting further and further into 2018 and on social media I have already seen some people give up on their resolutions, and others who are showing real improvement and following through on those resolutions.
Unfortunately, I was in the first group of people who had given up. I wanted to do yoga everyday and really focus on my body and eating healthier, and all of those cliche health related goals that everyone has at one point or another.
That lasted for a little bit, however one morning of skipping yoga turned into two, then three, then a week. The water turned back into soda and I found I was participating in those same old self destructive habits.
While I was slipping back into this “old me” status, I saw those people who were improving, people who are my friends. And instead of feeling joy and happiness for them, I felt anger. Why were they improving while I was going in the opposite direction.
It took me awhile to really think through and process my thoughts. Why was I so angry at my own friends for doing something awesome and improving themselves?
It was because of my hatred for myself. Even those good intentioned resolutions I had made, were made out of self hatred for my body. When those goals didn’t yield immediate results I really couldn’t think of the point of continuing and slipped into those negative behaviors.
That’s when I realized that self improvement should come from a place of self love, not from self hatred or being angry that others are achieving their goals. Rather than make goals of working out and being healthy I should have put more focus on loving my body as it is, and loving myself so much that the healthier options would not become a punishment for my body.
With this, I know I can still make those promises to eat healthier and do yoga everyday, however I am now bringing those changes into my life out of a love and appreciation for my body and the incredible things it is capable of, rather than hating it.
If you are in the same boat, it’s a hard transition to make, especially if you have spent years in the hole of self deprecation, but it is so worth it. This is a recent change for me, but I am so much more content now that I have made the change.
I am allowing myself to indulge in things that make me feel good, outside of health, like wearing makeup and taking selfies, and I urge you to do the same.